For a man to truly understand rejection, he must first be ignored by a
cat.

I can't understand why a person will take a year or two to write a
novel when he can easily buy one for a few dollars.

I love Saturday morning cartoons, what classic humour! This is what
entertainment is all about ... Idiots, explosives and falling anvils.

If you want to understand your government, don't begin by reading the
Constitution. It conveys precious little of the flavor of today's
statecraft. Instead, read selected portions of the Washington
telephone directory containing listings for all the organizations with
titles beginning with the word "National".-- George Will

Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the
usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody
thinks of complaining.

It's no surprise that things are so screwed up: everyone that knows how
to run a government is either driving taxicabs or cutting hair.

Laugh at your problems; everybody else does.

What's a man's definition of a romantic evening?
Sex. Ahahahahahahah!

Just for today, find a friend, and on their birthday, blindfold them and
tell him that you'll give them a big surprise. Then go out to the street and sell him.

AT&T thinking of merging with America On-line? If this
occurs, federal regulators are concerned the merged
corporation will have a total monopoly on busy signals.

I took a course in speed waiting. Now I can wait an
hour in only ten minutes.

What is the difference between God and a doctor?
God knows that he is not a doctor.

It's not so much that I write well, I just don't write badly very often,
and that passes for good on television. --Andy Rooney

Just for today, babble incoherently! It's fun for the whole family!

There are worse words than cuss words, there are words that hurt.

I don't think I'll ever have a mother's intuition. My sister
left me alone in a restaurant with my 10-month-old nephew. I
said, "What do I do if he cries?" She said "Give him some
vegetables." It turns out that jalapeno is not his favorite.

My parents sent my brother through law school. He graduated.
Now he's suing them for wasting seven years of his life.

In the choice between changing one's mind and proving there's no need
to do so, most people get busy on the proof.

...And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us some e-mail. Amen.

"There is no security on this Earth. There is only opportunity"
-- General Douglas Macarthur